so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
