hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Randomize
