i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
