just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
