she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
