I think I just saw someone hide a body.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
