shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
