So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
