I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer