I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.