I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
This Girlâ€™s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?