What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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