He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy