My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I've blown a few things in my day
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.