Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.