doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
