I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
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Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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