Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
