Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
