Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
