peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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