I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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