Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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