Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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