yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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