Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
