And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
