You're so nebulous sometimes
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
