She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
