So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
