At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
