Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i think i just lost a toe
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