We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I FOUND THE LEGS
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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