I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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