To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize