is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Welp...herpes.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
