Sry I called you an 8
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
