we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
