why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
