I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
