Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
