too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
