dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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