I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
