mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
