You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
