Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
