I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
