if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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