Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
