dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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