Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
