Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
