Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
