Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
