It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
