while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
