Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
its liver damage thursday
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
