your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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