the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
