Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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