I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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