Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
