So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
