sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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