this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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