Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
