I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
