Please, let me fuck your mom
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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