Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
