I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
