whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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