If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
