so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
