My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
