Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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