I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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