She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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