All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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