WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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