I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
