Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
