dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
