took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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