worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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